“Feedback is a gift.”
— Tobi Lütke. CEO Shopify
This statement could not be truer. Yet so many people choose to receive feedback as if it were an attack.
Regardless of its intent, giving feedback is one of the most generous things someone can do for us.
Granted, not everyone is skilled at giving feedback. It can be derived clumsily, it can lack sensitivity, it can be wholly unconstructive. Often all of the above. But it doesn’t take much effort on our part to extract the lesson from the message.
And there is always a lesson.
Even if you think the feedback is untrue, it is a reflection of someone else’s perception of you. How did they come to view you, or something you’ve done in that way? What behaviour, or lack of, however innocuous, could have caused that reaction? These are useful things to ponder, even if you ultimately dismiss the answer.
In situations where you believe the feedback to be flat out wrong or inaccurate, you’ve learned something about the person giving it.
The feedback, of course, might be self evidently fair, accurate and helpful. Allowing you to course correct should you be heading in the wrong direction.
But if you receive feedback poorly, you will soon see this valuable well dry-up. People don’t typically embrace conflict, and if every time someone gives you feedback it feels like a war, they will soon stop. And so might friendships, relationships and opportunities. And you won’t know why.