A friend of mine recently told me a story about the CEO of a large financial institution. This individual gave up his position, a role at which he was both successful and presumably well compensated. He went back to what he really enjoyed doing at the company, investment management. He also freed himself up to spend more time with his family.
This kind of self-knowledge and action is rare. Here was a man who realised the trade he was making. He was trading his most precious asset, his time and attention, his heartbeats, for more of what he already had in abundance, money and status. Things which, once attained, many people come to realise, rarely brings genuine fulfilment.
The great Jim Carrey said it best.
“I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.”
We can look to Maslow’s well known ‘Hierarchy of Needs’ to explore this further.
Most of us lucky enough to be reading (or writing) a post like this probably don’t have to worry about anything resembling the bottom two rungs of the hierarchy. But our culture and environment seem to be in part responsible for errors in thinking at the higher levels.
Modernity and the lionising of individual achievement can, in some cases, lead to negligence of social connection in favour of achievement facilitated ego fulfilment. Only to later realise the hole that leaves the longing for connection. The mistake is then compounded by the conscious or unconscious assumption that missing social connection can be remedied by more ‘doing’, that we can ‘achieve’ our way to connection.
This logical fallacy is not entirely surprising for individuals who look around and see all the other ’things’ they have managed to ‘acquire’ with an achievement drive. The further bolstering of physical and material security, (stages one and two) as well as the material trappings that people identify as reflections of ’themselves’.
True fulfilling relationships, human connection, as I’m sure is evident, does not come as a result of power, wealth and status.
And neither, ultimately does satisfaction from the work we do. Our ego will never ultimately be fulfilled by the things we ‘win’. Titles, promotions, bonuses, these are, at best, temporary ‘fixes’. Hits of dopamine that keep us doing what we are doing. That distracts us from pursuing purposeful work. From the drive towards self-actualisation.
The wonderful organisational psychologist, Adam Grant, articulated this well.
“We make too many career choices based on ambition over aspiration. Ambition is what we want to achieve. Aspiration is who we want to become. When deciding between jobs or organizations, ask how they’ll shape your identity.”
Our former CEO recognised he could maximise his happiness by spending his attention tokens elsewhere. He avoided a trap that many people fall into. He didn’t try to maximise happiness by doubling down on his ego. He didn’t try to ride the hedonistic treadmill to a satisfying life.
He didn’t try to solve the challenge of connection and actualisation by simply doing ‘more’.