What’s your immediate reaction when someone interrupts you during a meeting?
This is just one common example of non-inclusive behaviour we hear about from organisations we work with. And, if you’re like most people, your brain probably jumps to conclusions. The person who interrupted you is rude. They’re insensitive. They don’t respect you, your time or your opinions.
Those are natural reactions. Due to the overwhelming amount of information our brains and nervous systems are exposed to every second, we develop shortcuts in our thinking. Scripts we run without consciously evaluating the situation. In this instance our cultural background, how we were raised and our personal experiences have produced the script that ‘interrupting = lack of respect’.
These scripts can elicit powerful emotional responses. In this instance, the ‘threat’ of someone not respecting you sets off a hormonal cascade which can put you into a fight / flight / freeze / please state. In this state, which will be familiar to everyone, we’re more likely to act in a way which is closed, combative and defensive.
It’s easy to see how we can get caught up in this negative cycle of perceiving (the external event – e.g. someone interrupting us), thinking (our reactive script that tells us this is a ‘threat’), feeling (the sensations caused by hormones like cortisol and adrenaline) and responding (in the defensive manner mentioned above).
But our scripts – the cause of this cascade of thoughts, feelings and behaviours – are, of course, not the whole picture. They don’t reflect reality as it is, merely our personal bias lens on it.
What if the person interrupted you because they’re overly excited about the project? What if they’re simply bad at reading social cues and took a pause in your explanation as an indication you were finished? What if what you shared sparked an idea they felt compelled to blurt out?
How would these different realities impact your view that the interruption is indeed a ‘threat’ that requires a particular kind of response?
That “what if?” space is where we want to be. We want to nurture a mindset that’s open to perspectives and possibilities we might not immediately see. A mindset that allows us to observe, listen and respond rather than react.
This pause between the stimulus and response, and the practice of perceiving a situation with anan inclusive mindset, can produce dramatically different outcomes for both you and the other person. This is especially true when compared with a conversation that comes from a place of defensiveness, anger and needing to be right.
At Leaders for Good, we’ve identified three core aspects of an inclusive mindset that can be cultivated and practised.
Let’s briefly touch on each of them:
Humility: We accept there is so much we don’t know about the world, other people and even what’s going on in our own mind. We recognise we all have biases and blind spots and perceptual limitations that keep us from seeing the full picture of reality. In short, we recognise the very real possibility that, in any given situation, we may not be right.
Curiosity: Knowing there’s so much we don’t know, we actively seek different perspectives. We look for the worldviews of people from different backgrounds and different lived experiences. We seek to recognise when we operate from a place of limited information. We’re hungry for feedback and embrace it as a gift.
Compassion: We see that everyone is on a journey, and for the most part, people are acting with positive intent. We recognise that prerequisites for growth and learning are discomfort, confusion and mistakes, so we practice active kindness to ourselves and others.
Alone, each of these aspects of an inclusive mindset is powerful. Studies correlate them with creativity, learning and memory, problem solving and effective leadership. However, what we see when individuals and leaders embrace all three is not just an acceleration of those benefits. We also see a profound impact on organisation-wide measures of engagement, inclusion and belonging.
To illustrate how, let’s look at a follow-up conversation with the person who interrupted in our example:
Starting with looking at the opposite of an inclusive mindset – one of certainty, closedness and criticism (and the corresponding words, actions and tone they produce from you) is likely to elicit the same threat response in the other person. The result is a non-productive dialogue where nothing is resolved. Trust, psychological safety and the relationship are damaged, compromising future dialogue, collaboration and potentially souring broader team culture.
Operating from a mindset of humility, curiosity and compassion, you still recognise the need to have a conversation about the interruption, regardless of the interrupter’s intent. This isn’t behaviour you want as part of your organisational culture. But you act with the intent of strengthening your relationship with the person. You conduct the dialogue from a place where you put aside your initial assumptions. You genuinely seek to understand where the other person was acting from, and you do so knowing this conversation might be difficult for them. The result is, if done skillfully, a relationship of enhanced clarity, trust and respect.
Humility, curiosity and compassion don’t just apply when dealing with potentially stressful situations and direct conversations. The benefits are there every day when you’re communicating, making decisions, moving through a creative process – many of the essential activities of being part of a team.
Shifting to a more inclusive mindset and prioritising those three core aspects doesn’t always come easily. But with intention and deliberate practice, anyone can experience the profound benefits of this transformed outlook.
This post was originally published on the Leaders for Good website. If you’d like to discuss anything written above, you can email me at [email protected]