I’ve written previously on ‘the four reactions’ to any situation not to your liking. I would encourage you to read this post for context, but, in short, they are as follows.
- Change the situation
- Leave the situation
- Remain uncomplainingly
- Remain and complain
Here we will explore some questions that may help you think about the choice between ‘remaining uncomplainingly’ and ‘leaving the situation’. From here on out, I will simply use the word ‘remaining’. We have already established in my previous post that ‘remaining and complaining’ is a universally bad strategy.
It’s important to note that there is no straightforward decision tree to follow here. Only questions that can help shine a light on factors that may tip the scale in one direction or another.
We will not touch on the option to ‘change the situation’ here. That step, although a very real possibility is too context-dependent to provide much in the way of a general framework. Change requires specific action, within a particular context, involving unique individuals. Remaining, other the other hand, for the most part, looks at how you are reacting to the situation. Something which is, ultimately, under your control.
When exploring the following questions, notice what comes up for you. Do you experience any strong reactions? Any particular areas of resistance? Any excitement at the possibility of something? These can be powerful clues in your decision.
- What development opportunities are present in remaining? Do you have the potential to improve your resilience? Your ability to cope with stress? What could you learn about your mind and the stories you are telling yourself about what’s occurring around you?
- Do you have the opportunity to learn new tools, practices and ways of thinking that could improve your response to the situation? Meditation, NLP and Stoicism for instance.
- Is the situational stress helping you develop new skills? Are you being tested in ways that, although unpleasant, are helping the development or enhancement of certain competencies? (See this post on hormetic stress). Are you comfortably uncomfortable?
- Is enduring the current situation a sacrifice you are willing to make on a genuine path to something bigger? Will remaining facilitate movement to a more desirable situation?
- Is remaining ecological? In other words, what is the positive or negative impact on the rest of your life and the lives of those around you? Does staying afford you the opportunity to pursue things meaningful to you in other areas of your life?
I hope that pondering those question helps add some context should you be faced with the difficult decision to endure an unpleasant situation. And with that, I will leave you with this simple quote from Marcus Aurelius.
“External things are not the problem. It’s your assessment of them. Which you can erase right now.”